This is how I'd like to celebrate Halloween...

If there were an Ebenezer Scrooge of Halloween, it would be me. Although I haven’t been to a grown-up celebration in years, my go-to costume is a trench coat (I could be Inspector Gadget, I could be a flasher—it’s open to interpretation) and an appropriately-themed tee shirt and jeans is my get-up of choice for greeting trick-or-treaters. Add on the fact that I avoid candy at all costs, and you have the blueprint for anti-Halloweenism. (You know some people consider it a pagan holiday, right?) 

Although I do enjoy seeing neighbors I haven’t seen since the Halloween before, I’m not looking forward to camping out on my porch with our dog tethered to my folding chair (if we leave her inside she’ll bark and scratch the door until we run out of candy or decide to call it a night). I’m also dreading the inevitable argument with my son once he’s decided he has enough candy and would prefer to play Fortnite (in our nice, climate-controlled, mosquito-free house) for the duration of the evening as well. On the bright side, I’ll be drinking wine—and lots of it.

Instead of this aforementioned horror scene, my ideal Halloween would go something like this: I’d send the dog to the dog-sitter, export my son to a friend’s neighborhood (preferably on a Friday or Saturday night so he could sleep over), turn out all the lights, fill up the bathtub and drop in one of Kush Queen’s Black Magic CBD Bath Bombs. (I suppose my husband could stay.)

With a blend of lavender, chamomile and frankincense along with organic essential oils and cannabinoids for optimal relaxation, the resulting black water is about as spooky as I’m willing to get—and you better believe this dream Halloween would also involve my housekeeper coming on November 1 to clean the tub, too.